Many people have told me that when they finally are able to see how long their life has been imprisoned by self-judgment, self-hatred and shame, they feel not only grief but also a sense of life-giving hope. Like waking up from a bad dream, when we can see our prison, we also see our potential.
I only started to experience true freedom in my life when I decided to stop worrying about imperfection.
Being without anxiety about imperfection means accepting our human experience and all of life as it is.
Imperfection is not our personal problem, it is a natural part of existing. We all get caught in wants and fears, we all act unconsciously, we all get diseased and deteriorate. When we relax about imperfection, we no longer lose our life moments in the pursuit of being better or different and in the fear of what is wrong.
D.H. Lawrence described our Western culture as being like a great uprooted tree with its roots in the air.
“We are perishing for lack of fulfilment of our greater needs”, he wrote, “we are cut off from the great sources of our inward nourishment and renewal.”
We come alive as we rediscover the truth of our innate goodness and our natural connectedness to all of life.
Our “greater needs” are met in relating lovingly to all parts of ourselves, with each other, relating with full presence to each moment, relating to the beauty and pain that is within and around us.
As Lawrence said: "We must plant ourselves again in the universe."
Although the trance of feeling separate and unworthy is an inherent part of our conditioning as humans, so too is our capacity to awaken.
We free ourselves from the prison of trance as we stop the war against ourselves and, instead, learn to relate to our lives with a wise and compassionate heart.
My individual work with women in essence is about this, the process of embracing our lives.
When we learn to cultivate Radical Acceptance, we begin to rediscover the garden, a forgotten cherished sense of wholeness, wakefulness and love. Radical Acceptance is not to be confused with being passive and weak.
From radical acceptance springs the most aligned and timely action coming from a place of love and wisdom rather then from our will- an and fearful ego.
Recognizing the beliefs and fears that sustain the trance of unworthiness is the beginning of freedom. You might find it useful to pause for a few minutes to consider the parts of yourself that you habitually reject and push away:
GUIDED REFLECTION: Recognizing the Trance of Unworthiness
(source: 'Radical Acceptance' by Tara Brach)
DO I ACCEPT MY BODY AS IT IS?
Do I blame myself when I get sick?
Do I feel I am not attractive enough?
Am I dissatisfied with how my hair looks?
Am I embarrassed about how my face and body are aging?
Do I judge myself for being too heavy? Underweight? Not physically fit?
DO I ACCEPT MY MIND AS IT IS?
Do I judge myself for not being intelligent enough? Humorous? Interesting?
Am I critical of myself for having obsessive thoughts? For having a repetitive, boring mind?
Am I ashamed of myself for having bad thoughts - mean, judgmental or lusty thoughts?
Do I consider myself a bad meditator because my mind is so busy?
DO I ACCEPT MY EMOTIONS AND MOODS AS THEY ARE?
Is it ok for me to cry? To feel insecure and vulnerable?
Do I condemn myself for getting depressed?
Am I ashamed of feeling jealous?
Am I critical of myself for being impatient? Irritable? Intolerant?
Do I feel that my anger or anxiety is a sign that I am not progressing on the spiritual path?
DO I FEEL I'M A BAD PERSON BECAUSE OF WAYS I BEHAVE?
Do I hate myself when I act in a self-centered or hurtful way?
Am I ashamed of my outbursts of anger?
Do I feel disgusted with myself when I eat compulsively? When I smoke cigarettes or drink too much alcohol?
Do I feel that because I am selfish and often do not put others first, I am not spiritually evolved?
Do I feel as if I am always falling short in how I relate to my family and friends?
Do I feel something is wrong with me because I am not capable of intimacy?
Am I down on myself for not accomplishing enough - for not standing out or being special in my work?
Often we perceive the trance most clearly by recognising how we want others to see us, and what we don't want them to see.
Bring to mind someone you've spent time with recently, someone you like and respect but don't know well.
What do you most want this person to see about you (e.g., that you are loving, generous, attractive)?
What do you not want this person to perceive about you (e.g., that you are selfish, insecure, jealous)?
As you go through your day, pause occasionally to ask yourself,
"This moment, do I accept myself just as I am?"
Without judging yourself, simply become aware of how you are relating to your body, emotions, thoughts and behaviours.
As the trance of unworthiness becomes conscious, it begins to lose its power over our lives.
Feel a strong pull to explore this further and deeper?
Don't hesitate to apply for a FREE and non-binding, explorative Soul Session with me by filling in the Soul Work Inquiry Form.
I'd be delighted to hear from you.
Bright Blessings
Ps .... When you're ready, here are a few ways in which I can guide you through the process of awakening, reclaiming your inner Wise Woman & embodying your unique Soul Path:- In my Online YIN Studio, women from all over the world experience the magical power of slowing down and dropping back into their body, their belly and their heart on a weekly base. Friday 10am and Tuesday 8pm CET
Sign up for a FREE taster session or simply hit REPLY to this email and let me know whether you'd like to pay us a visit.
- 4 Months Personal 'Her Soul' Intensive Master Mentorship Trajectory
Spaces are very limited. Find out more HERE and Apply for a first 1 hr FREE and non-binding Somatic Soul Session through my online Calendar.
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